Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
