mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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