once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
