I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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