Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
