My room smells like vodka and shame
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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