The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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