hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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