Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So squirting runs in the family.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
