If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you inspire me to be a worse person
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
