i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
