You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
