idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
