Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
