white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
