I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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