then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
