Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
