Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Please don't give away my fajitas
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
