Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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