She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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