I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i out mim tonsoeep
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
