Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
