his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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