I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
