When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
