Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
