I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
