My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
