Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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