I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
