My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
