just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sext me about skeletons
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
