Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
