they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
