if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
