Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
