Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
