your room smells of hookers.
And success
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
