Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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