I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
