We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How external is "for external use only"?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
