I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
