I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
