his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
