i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
