My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
