It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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