dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
