Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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