I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
